A Realistic Assessment of How Many 12-Year-Olds I Could Beat Up Before They Overtook Me
Humor Friday returns with a nice bit from McSweeney’sYour average 12-year-old boy is about 5 feet tall, weighs in the area of a buck-fifteen, and has developed little muscle mass.
I am 21, approximately 6 feet tall, tip the scales at an even 180, and have a moderately athletic and muscular build.
Judging on these statistics and what I assume would be a natural ferocity that would spring forth in a moment of physical danger, I estimate that I could beat up seven 12-year-olds before they overtook me. Of course, these would have to be the aforementioned average-sized 12-year-olds. Future linebackers, NBA players, and all Scandinavian children would throw off this equation. On the flip side, if these were some wimpy, four-square-playing, future-jockey 12-year-olds, I imagine the number would skyrocket to anywhere between 12 and 15. It’s simple exponential math.