Apparently, it’s now a class C Felony (equivalent of child pornography or animal cruelty) to gamble online if you’re a Washington state resident. Here is the text of the actual amendment.

There’s a few points to recognize about this piece of … legislation.

First, I don’t see any way this bill is constitutional. It is a prima facie violation of the Interstate Commerce Clause (Art. I, sect. 8) of the Constitution. This gets thrown out at the first challenge…. only…

There won’t be any challenges because this was backed by the Indian tribes and the State itself. The gambling houses are all offshore or out of state.

Oh, and you might be interested to know that Sen. Margarita Prentice, the woman who introduced the bill, receives a huge amount of donations from (drumroll)… the Indian casinos.

At this point, what we’ve got is a new class C felony designed to stop the state’s financial bleeding at the behest of the Indian casinos and the State itself. That lottery thing is totally OK though, because it’s controlled, you see.

In sum, this is OK:

But playing poker online from my own home with my own money means I get to share a cell with this guy for five years:

Yeah, that makes sense. Glad to see the legislature is on top of the pressing issues.

In other news, the local rag carried the most idiotic piece of tabloid shit above the fold as today’s top news item. The title? Smokers find refuge in secret nicotine dens. I am not making this up.

These speakeasies and opium dens are the new hysteria du jour, though I don’t see how they pass the laugh test. This article is bullshit and it’s not news. No wonder paper circulation is dwindling. If I want to read exploitative bullshit, I’ll go for the World News Weekly and their bat baby, or wait for every fourth summer so it can be Time’s “Summer of the Shark” again, or turn on CNN for the annual summer “where the white wimmin at?” marathon, or listen to the latest bullshit terrrrrrist alert or Hitler reference from the imbeciles currently occupying the white house.

God, what an embarassment the state of my state is today.

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it’s that I have nothing interesting to say and there’s no news I feel the need to comment upon. These are not the droids you are looking for. Move along, move along.

In baseball news, the gods have chosen to punish me by maiming not one, not two, but all five of my initial starting outfielders. Thanks, baseball gods!

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So Ann Coulter’s Brand new book GODLESS:The Church of Liberalism is being released on June 6, 2006. 6/6/06. Coincidence or is the dragon lady paying homage to the beast (666)…..her lord and master?

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YouTube’s got the video of the Evolution of Dance. Good times. Almost as good as my 80s rap medley.

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Satchmo had to be euthanized this morning. His cancer had metastasized to the kidneys and he was miserable. Unable to eat and in obvious pain, his time here was done.

I’m not here to mourn Satchmo, but to celebrate him. I remember when I first got him at 8 or 9 weeks old. That was 13 years ago. From the start, he was feisty, fearless and full of life. Brimming with charisma and attitude, he just oozed personality (and not just relative to other cats). Later I learned how intelligent, interested, and curious he was. He bit me, I bit him. We were cool.

We moved on. Lived in a shared house where the roommates got him high and taught him to hate The Hand. You know, that slowly descending hand that lands on his head that must be attacked, and attacked NOW. No quarter asked, none given. A feud, plain and simple. He won more times than he lost against The Hand, particularly as measured in terms of blood lost.

Later he discovered his new nemesis, The Light. A red dot that could appear anywhere, anytime, forever eluding his reach, though many hours were spent trying. Similar to The Light was The Pen (occasionally, The Finger), which would protrude slightly from some edge somewhere and must be destroyed via his mad ninja skillz. Again, he won more than he lost… especially in terms of blood lost.

He had many other endearing qualities, such as treating spiders as truffles and suckling on the tag to my comforter. Whenever I would try and record vocals, he would become concerned that I was in physical pain and come and check on me. This included ruining many a take by mwaow’ing in the middle of a verse. He knew his name and would answer when called. Occasionally, he would come when called as well. When he felt like it. He would lay next to the food bowl and scoop it into his mouth, much like a rajah or a Roman Emperor. He was a curmudgeon. He was me in cat form.

I will miss all of these things about him and more.


So long, buddy. May you be claw deep in the tender, sweet flesh of The Light. That fucker’s been taunting you for far too long.

See you soon. Relatively speaking. (more pics)

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For the 10 remaining people in this country (non-wignut division) who continue to believe that the media has a liberal bias, Jamison Foser is here to help clear your delusions.

The dominant political force of our time is not Karl Rove or the Christian Right or Bill Clinton. It is not the ruthlessness or the tactical and strategic superiority of the Republicans, and it is not your favorite theory about what is wrong with the Democrats.

The dominant political force of our time is the media.

Time after time, the news media have covered progressives and conservatives in wildly different ways — and, time after time, they do so to the benefit of conservatives.

It’s a good article with lots of examples, including some very recent ones such as that piece of shit article Weisberg at Slate wrote about Hilary Clinton’s iPod playlist, and that piece of shit front page NYT story about whether the Clinton’s get it on (and how often), and the new baseless attacks on Gore. Be prepared to have your ragemetere set to 11, though.

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Since today is Satchmo’s last 24 hours on earth, I thought I’d celebrate him a little bit in the form of cat-inspired senryu’s.

You never feed me.
Perhaps I’ll sleep on your face.
That will sure show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail!
Behold, elevator butt.

You’re always typing.
Well, let’s see you ignore my
sitting on your hands.

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OK, it’s still not funny so it’s not Humor Friday, but this is, without a doubt, the worst possible singles ad text. Ever.

Hi, I’m 20, in college and expecting a baby. I’m due in about 3-4 weeks, so pretty soon here. I’m having a boy and I’m going to name him Dylan Wesley. His father is not in the picture. Oh, about what I look like, I’m 5′7″, I have black shoulder length hair. I wear it up a lot since I broke my straightener…can’t afford a new one right now. I work at an office supply store…but only for a few more weeks. God is really important to me. I made a bunch of foolish decisions last summer/fall and I’m in the process of getting ly life back together. (Loan, school, baby…) Anyway, if you want to know more about me…email me.

I know most people aren’t looking for a ready made family, but I just thought I would put myself out there to see if anyone was interested in getting coffee sometime…

God Bless

Reading this advert makes me a sad over the desperation and cluelessness. Actually, it’s the naked, throbbing need coming from here that makes me sad. However, I’m not really sensing any form of self-awareness or kindness that would make me truly empathize. When you combine that disturbing resentment toward her “foolish decisions last summer/fall” (i.e. when she got pregnant) with the name she chose for her kid, eroded most of my remaining sympathy was eroded. Not entirely, but a lot.

Actually, I don’t know why I’m posting this now other than the ad was just so outrageously bad it needs to be deconstructed. So that future hypocritical, resentful, jobless, needy new mothers can find that man of their dreams I thought I’d provide some helpful tips for version 2 of the above.

1. Having a baby is totally fine. Just don’t link it to a “foolish decision” or it looks like you hate the little walking vector. Also, if your chosen name for your kid has more than one “y”, sounds like a Tory bitch, or combines the imagery of bubblegum pop/effete pirates/and cranky folk singers, you might want to reconsider that name. Because this guy? I so going to be called “Dylan Wesley Crusher”. Also, “fag.”

2. Mentioning that you are about to be jobless and can’t afford a hair straightener sets off the “sugar daddy” alarm. To avoid tripping the alarm, focus on mentioning your studies (studying == good) and do not mention that you cannot afford, essentially, mac and cheese. Alternatively, if you are looking for a sugar daddy, there’s nothing wrong with stating that plainly. You’ll get more honest responses (and some highly negative ones as well, I’m sure), but at least there’s no tiptoeing around the issue.

3. If you fucked and got pregnant, then “God,” as interpreted by the current church structures, is not really that important in your life. Unless you were married at the time, which I think you would have mentioned. Anyway, if you want a Christian (I’m assuming that’s the God to which you are referring) man, there are no indicators outside of a “God bless” why one would be interested or how you qualify as Christian. Besides the fucking you have participated in, you are in school which is far too independent.

4. You need to at least not sound desperate. Avoid all mentions of “getting my life back together.” Try cheerfulness or optimism instead. After all, a spoonful of sugar attracts more flies than a barrel full of vinegar. Why you want flies, I don’t know, but sugar’s the thing to bring ‘em.

So to recap, if you are looking for a Christian sugar daddy and are an emotional wreck in desperate financial, physical, and emotional straits looking to post a singles ad… turn that frown upside down and smile, smile, smile! e.g.

Hi! I am one of the luckiest women in the world, I am currently a student and blessed to have a glorious child on the way. I could not be more thankful than to be where you are, but I would still like to find someone to share the glories of God’s creation with, even if it’s just holding hands at sunset.

etc.

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The funny thing about this movie is that there are clearly 3 groups to hate and mock here.

1. The dude who goes to the library to look at porn and whack off, AKA The Loser;
2. His dad, who obviously has anger management and likely substance abuse issues, AKA The Raging Asshole;
3. The reporter, who is a condescending prick constantly making references to THE CHILDREN (as in “this computer is only feet away from THE CHILDREN”) as if it is somehow relevant; AKA The Pandering Dickhead.

Anyway, the movie’s pretty cringeworthy. I considered it for humor Friday, but it’s just too sad and it didn’t really strike me as funny. I’ll have to keep looking.

(I would embed it here, but it breaks my site formatting, so until I take the time to fix it, youtube has the movie)

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is that there are even more people that I get to feel contempt for. Granted, these are probably the same people who wore ponchos and bought into the whole pink thing so the actual number of people in the Mindless Fashion Sheeple category may not have changed, but the vigor of the contempt sure has.

Look, unless you’re a country club widow or you’re wearing a golden coke spoon around your neck, you shouldn’t be wearing wedge’s or espadrilles, and unless you are Suzanne Somers and it’s 1977, you most certainly shouldn’t be wearing a wedgespadrille. It’s just wrong. So, so wrong.

Just say no!

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The Congressional Black Caucus is making a huge mistake in supporting Jefferson here.

Furious black lawmakers, rallying behind Rep. William Jefferson (D-La.), were pulled back from the brink of open revolt against House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) in an emergency meeting with her Wednesday evening.

Jefferson is on tape taking and putting into his car’s trunk $90,000 worth of money that was serial number matched to the bills found in his freezer. He’s corrupt and he’s stupid and he needs to resign for the good of the party.

The CBC putting the interests of one of the members of their subset ahead of interests of the Democratic party - and let’s not forget the country - is really fucking stupid. On the political side, it will add legitimacy to the false equivalency bipartisan bullshit that the media will try to use in re: the Republican culture of corruption. DeLay took $400 million, Jefferson $90,000… but it’s not going to matter to the media with their “but the Democrats are corrupt too!” messaging. It is also bad for the party nationally as it reinforces the belief that all politicians are corrupt and the false image that there is no difference between Democrats and Republicans.

I’m not saying that the FBI sweep on his office was legitimate - it’s not, both on Unitary Executive bullshit grounds (even Hoover never thought he could raid a Congresscritter’s office) and it’s also almost certainly partisan and racially motivated (DeLay and Cunningham’s offices were never ransacked) - but supporting him on this small battle loses the war.

Jefferson is corrupt. Jefferson is harming the country and the party. He needs to go.

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Another day, another batch of GOP felons.

Former Enron bosses Ken Lay and Jeffrey Skilling have both been found guilty on fraud, conspiracy and other charges.
…
In all, Skilling has been found guilty on 19 of the 28 counts he faced - with the “not guilty” verdicts coming on some of the charges of insider trading.

He could face as much as 185 years in jail.

Lay, however, has been found guilty of all six fraud and conspiracy charges that he faced. He could face as much as 45 years behind bars.

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With very few exceptions, I second Greenwald’s comments today - the Dems are a shameful collection of wallflowers and submissives. The impetus for the latest offense is the Hayden nomination.

Yet again, Senate Democrats show that they have no more concern for the rule of law and for the excesses of this administration than Senate Republicans do. Due to their really pitiful passivity, they are every bit as much to blame for the excesses and abuses of the administration as the compliant Republicans are.

Even acknowledging their minority status, they have done a pathetic job as a minority party; acting more like sycophants or the fawning courtiers of the media than an actual legislative body.

Outside of Feingold, they’ve rolled over on every important decision in the past 6 years and they deserve all of the scorn you can give them. Bankruptcy, Iraq, the Supreme Court, wiretapping, Iraq, Guantanimo and Abu Ghraib, Iraq, confirmation hearings, Iraq. The sole win for them in the past half decade was Social Security. That’s it. GOP - 3 million, Dems -1.

Pathetic and shameful. When the history of the downfall of the United States into a theocratic despotism is written (written after the downfall of the despotism, of course… or by furriners), the complicity and credulity of the media and the complacency and cowardice of the one and only opposition party will take up many chapters.

Vichy. Quisling. 21st century Democratic party.

The only thing saving these sad sacks is that we don’t have a parliamentary system. That’s it. I don’t think “we’re not as bad as those assholes” makes for a good campaign slogan or a solid foundation of support, though. Do you?

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Britney Spears’ baby bobblehead doll day. Or just bobbled baby day.

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Why hasn’t there been an adaptation in praying mantises whereby the successful male is able to impregnate the female… without being eaten? You know, by harder carapace, or ability to shoot mantis semen from a safe distance or, i don’t know, maybe a new position where the dude’s head is not in the female’s mandibles?

Just sayin. Because there may be a biological reason for all of that eatin’ of the dudes thing, but I would think the mantis that can spray from the next leaf over and still spread his successful DNA would have a leg up. Or be a head of the others. So to speak.

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