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Last night I had this amazingly full, complete, and remembered dream. In this dream, I created what is probably the worst movie in the history of the universe. Here’s my pitch:

Tugz

A family’s struggle. A mother’s pride. A father’s joy. A grandmama’s cooking. Join the ___’s, a wacky, crazy, loving, fighting, warm – oh, and did I mention they’re black? – as they journey to togetherness in the world tug o’ war olympiad. There’s the prodigal son with old angers and hidden issues who still loves his family. Secretly and begrudgingly. Then you have the sister with man troubles. Smart aleck kids! And all held together by the Grandmama who cooks, hugs, berates, aaaaand anchors the tug o’ war team! Did I mention they’re black? It’s crazywhackyfun for the entire community. It’s Barbershop, Tyler Perry, Oprah, and every Martin Lawrence or Eddie Murphy movie since 1990 all rolled into one.

Something this awful has to sell, right?

Friday Night Lights, season 1 – AWESOME. One of the best shows ever.
Friday Night Lights, season 2 – dogshit. The worst piece of soap melodrama since, well, ever.

Anyone wanting to get me anything should instead donate time, money, or effort to a non-religious charity. I have some suggestions if you don’t know any.

If you want to donate in accord with my wishes, it would be Medicins sans Frontieres / Doctors Without Borders

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Amy, girlfriend, please do the rehab thing. Thanks! Sincerely, the management

Update: Boo. They took the video down. F-U, MTV.

Anyway, it was Amy Winehouse performing on some award show for MTV Europe and doing, uh, vocaleze. Basically singing phonemes in key with no clue as to what the lyrics should be.

Holy shit, that was awesome. 5/5!