My hammam experience

Stage 1: Chris Confit. Not too bad, bikram yoga is worse. Chill out for about 15 minutes.

Stage 2: No one expects the Inquisition! Some lady comes in with a cat o’ 9 tails and flays you. I am now scored and ready for…

Stage 3: HOLY MOTHER OF FSM! What the flippin’ hell is this?!? They turn on the steam pressure cooker and you breathe 130F moist air until you think you’ve had enough. Then they turn it on again. I am now nicely tenderized and the meat is falling off the bone.

Stagev4: the escape…