Old Man Brachman's movie reviews

My motto is that I don't have time for movies to pander, take shortcuts, or be uninteresting. I don't have time for by the numbers moviemaking, I don't have time for stock characters, particularly the comedic sidekick ones. Life's just too fuckin short to have to pay $10 to sit through commercials followed by more commercials within the movie to see something you've seen before, only better told, lit, and acted in its previous incarnation.

I also don't like children, sunny days, or daffodils.

In sum, if you read People, Us, O, or Entertainment, these probably aren't reviews for you.

Reviews

Title (review). Scale is 1-5, no half points. Half-points are for commitment-phobic sissyboys.

• Kill Bill vol. 1 (3, Uneven... no, wait! a 5!)
• Life is Beautiful (5, Powerful and Moving)
• LotR: The Two Towers (3, Meh)
• Harry Potter 2 (1, Electric Snoozaloo)
• My Big Fat Greek Wedding (1, Kill Me Now)
• Gosford Park (4, Fabulous)
• Adaptation (5, Brilliant!)

Reviews to be Written

Yeah, yeah, I'm getting around to it you pushy bastard. These are movies I've seen in the theatre since I started writing my reviews here.

• School of Rock (3, See: MBFGW)
• Master and Commander... (3, Obvious and Exhausting)
• Lost in Translation (5, Great Film, but Not for Everyone)
• Bend It Like Beckham (3, Totally Non-Threatening)
• The Quiet American (3, Read the Book Instead)
• The Hunted (0, There is No Such Movie)
• Dreamcatcher (1, This could be so bad that it's good... but it's not)
• A Mighty Wind (4, Not Guest's Best, but Good Enough for Me)
• Matrix Reloaded (4, Everything a Summer Action Flick Should Be)
• Finding Nemo (5, Pixar 0wnZ 4ll)
• Terminator 3 (2, zzZZzzZZ... wha? I'm awake!)
• Pirates of the Carribean (4, Depp becomes a Star)
• Whale Rider (4, Best Child Acting Ever)

Since I'm working retroactively, here's the DVDs I've watched since I began writing. They are also in want of a review.

• A Bridge Too Far (4)
• Unfaithful (1)
• 28 Days (1)
• The Mummy (3)
• The Mummy Returns (3)
• Robin Williams Live on Broadway (4)
• Frida (3)
• Predator (4)
• Tenacious D (4)
• Matrix 2 (2)
• Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (3)
• Black Hawk Down (2)
• Say Anything (5)
• The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (5)
• War Games (4)
• Wait Until Dark (4)
• Old School (5)
• The Great Escape (3)
• Robotech: The Next Generation (2)
• Magnificent Seven (3)
• The Pianist (4)
• Raising Arizona (5)
• Yojimbo (3)
• Run, Lola, Run (3)
• Seven Samurai (5)
• AbFab Season 2 (3)
• Ringu (3)
• The Muppet Movie (5)
• Dangerous Liasons (4)
• Airplane (4)
• Austin Powers 2 (2)
• Vampire Hunter D (new one) (4)
• Vampire Hunter D (old one) (2)
• Requiem for a Dream (5)
• Star Blazers (series 1) (2)
• The Tale of Zatoichi (5)
• The Further Tale of Zatoichi (2)
• New Tale of Zatoichi (3)
• Fight, Zatoichi, Fight! (4)