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Archive for the ‘Eye Rollers’ Category

Thanks for Confirming my Theory

July 23rd, 2010 No comments

That Sarah Palin is really Paris Hilton 2.0.

TLC’s retooled ‘Kate Plus Eight’ is pulling out all the stops for an upcoming episode — including a big cameo by former Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, a source tells In Touch magazine. And with Palin’s upcoming docu-reality TV show set to run on the same network, it’s potentially a great opportunity for cross-promotion.

Just Secede Already, Wouldya?

May 17th, 2010 No comments

Was hoping this was a parody … but it’s not. Ahhhh, Republicans and their authoritarian gun-n-daddy fetishes.

Categories: Eye Rollers, Idiots

Does that come in Maxi?

January 27th, 2010 No comments

Apple announces iPad

Apple’s CEO, Steve Jobs, finally unveiled the Apple iPad during an event today. The name of the new tablet was revealed only a few days ago, and aims to separate itself from tablet computers such as Microsoft’s new Slate PC category. Leaks have prepared us all for an “iPhone on steroids” and we recently estimated the release date to be April 2010. The “iPhone on steroids” has turned out to be a good description of the new Apple iPad, and the release date will indeed be April 2010.

Presumably with the different versions, there will be a mini and a maxi iPad. With any luck, the product will have … wait for it … wings.

bada boom!

Stupid name for a tweener product (doesn’t do what your laptop does, barely does more than the iPhone and still can’t make calls, too expensive, and yet another gadget to carry … yeah, not seeing the utility of this one).

Categories: Eye Rollers, Humor, Technology

Best mini biography of Ayn Rand, evar

November 15th, 2009 No comments

I haven’t been a fan of Slate since the pre-WaPo days, but this biography of that raving sociopathic waste known as Alissa Rosenbaum/Ayn Rand is quite good. In case you were wondering, the article is much fairer than the adjectives in my previous sentence… but comes to largely the same conclusion (though it does not address my clinical diagnosis of “sociopath”).

I will never understand why Rand is so popular among the far right and “libertarians” of this country. Let me rephrase – I can understand why the philosophy of utter narcissism may be appealing, but am unable to understand how anyone could devote themselves to it. Add in that her writing is sub-Twilight/Dan Brown-level bad, the dialogue wooden and worse than something from the Cultural Revolution, and that at some point, the reader must come into contact with another human being and I just don’t see its appeal.

Check that, Rand nails the mental makeup of the current American right:

Her heroes are a cocktail of extreme self-love and extreme self-pity: They insist they need no one, yet they spend all their time fuming that the masses don’t bow down before their manifest superiority.

Spot on.

Add in that the narcissism of Wall Street (who are obviously the producers and not the lice, right Mr. Greenspan) and I can see this appealing to an insular little group of aristocrats… but how on earth did our financial policy become beholden to this group of retards?

I encourage all Objectivists to go Galt. Immediately. And/or talk to a girl. I’m not sure which will happen first.

Categories: Awesome, Awful, Eye Rollers, Idiots

10 pounds of Homeopathy in a 2 pound bag

October 31st, 2009 No comments

Words cannot encompass just how much wrong is contained in this 7 minute video. Trust me, there are oodles. And oodles. And then more. At some point, it goes around the bend from cover-your-eyes all the way back to fantastic … but then it goes back to horrible.

Wow. Just … wow.

Oh, get the fuck over it already

February 6th, 2009 No comments

JFC, there are important things going on in this world. Phelps taking a bong hit is not one of them

“This is not a situation where any anti-doping rule was violated, but we decided to send a strong message to Michael because he disappointed so many people, particularly the hundreds of thousands of USA Swimming member kids who look up to him as a role model and a hero,” the federation said in a statement.

Light it up, Mikey. You’re not doing anyone any harm and if Aquaman doesn’t deserve some down time relaxation, I don’t know who does.

Oh, and the federation can blow it out of their sanctimonious pie holes. Yeah, yeah, it’s illegal to smoke, but so are u-turns in many states and I don’t see people losing sponsorship deals or having to deal with an unending stream of Sistah Toldjyahs for it.

And to the douchebag who took the private photo and distributed it: you are a douchebag. Keep this shit private and no one is harmed. Idiot.

Categories: Eye Rollers, Grrr..., Idiots

Jessica Simpson Epic Fail

July 21st, 2008 No comments

So the never-had-talent tries to reinvent herself as a country star. It did not go well.

Audiences booed and clapped as the singer, 28, opened for Sara Evans on Saturday at the Country Thunder USA festival in Randall, Wisconsin.

“I don’t know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I’m just a girl from Texas,” Simpson told the crowd. “I’m just like you. I’m doing what I love and dating a boy.

J. Simp, honey, it’s not the singing they were booing. You have to know your audience, and cowboys like to keep that shit on the downlow, know what I’m sayin?

Categories: Eye Rollers, Pop Culture

It’s like a Panty Liner… for your foot!

January 19th, 2008 No comments

Holy crap that’s awesome. Retarded, but AWWWWWEsome!

Categories: Awesome, Awful, Eye Rollers

Soft wha?

January 6th, 2008 No comments

Overheard from some poolside speakers on my walk back home:

You’re listening to Kxxx, your home for the best in soft rock.

… Coming up: Amy Grant and Wilson Phillips!

Me: you keep using that word. I do no think it think what you think it mean.
Inigo Montoya

Categories: Eye Rollers, Music

The practical consequences of being on the no-fly list

August 18th, 2006 No comments

Online checkin and printout of your boarding pass? Not so much.

Fuck you, TSA

Woohoo! I’m famous, bitches! Bow before me, for I am dangerous!

Oh, and the TSA and Bush administration can lick my sweaty nutsac. I’ve got your freedom of speech right here.

Categories: Eye Rollers, Freedom, Idiots, Law

The agony of the mundane

July 19th, 2006 2 comments

There’s this girl who has a popular vlog on YouTube. I’m not quite sure why she’s popular other than that she’s pretty in that young way and has a calm, nonidiotic demeanor. I don’t find her content compelling, but then again, I’m not 17. She Daniel does do a good job with the editing/production values. Gotta love the Mac, eh?

Anyway, she’s very young. And she put up a vlog called “Boy Problems…”, which is about her friend, a boy, who likes her in that way, but she hadn’t considered that possibility:

Anyway, uber mundane. And an act, I’m sure. Happens every day, possibly multiple times per person (particularly for women who put themselves in such positions). Here’s the genius part, though: another guy does vlogs reviewing other vlogs, and he did a review of the Boy Problems one:

The 1:25 – 2:45 segment is the key bit. Good ending too. The Renetto guy, now him I find compelling.

Update: been watching more Renetto. I think I’m going to write his name in the next election. One more original + response after the jump. Read more…

Categories: Eye Rollers

Who’s the assclown, now, D-Day?

June 16th, 2006 No comments

dday, a Kossack, is doing his/her best to further the agenda of the anti-funnytistas worldwide with this truly idiotic diary.

Summary: a tech dude was at YearlyKos. While there, a truck slammed through his house, and had he been there, both he and his child would have been killed. But they weren’t. Because of YearlyKos. So he said thank you, YK, for everything. Touching story. Give ‘em some PayPal lurve.

Then Harry Hutton (who is one of those natively hilarious types that drive us mere quippers insane with jealousy… yeah, I’m speaking to you too Worker #3116. bitches.) wrote (in reference, ironically):

I am not easily moved to tears, but this post had me crying like a baby. Just think… he could have been… and the little ones are safe?… thank God for that!

Kos once saved my life too. I was reading a post about Senator Joseph Lieberman, and it was so dull that I got up to run my head under a cold tap. Just then this assagai comes flying through the window. Zulus! Fuck! If it hadn’t been for Kos, I could have wound up in a cooking pot. I’ll always be grateful to him for that.

Anyway, so we formed a laager, called for reinforcements and went all Rorke’s Drift on their arses, and it all ended happily with a glorious slaughter of tribesmen. That was the day Boris Johnsons won the Victoria Cross.

Funny! Goddamn funny. I’m still LOL’ing over here. For the record, Hutton is a Brit lefty. There was another comment later, by dsquared … who happens to be a writer for the (lefty) Guardian:

That Daily Kos type is gonna feel pretty fucking stupid when the guy who missed him first time comes back for the second attempt.

Funny! Fun-nay.

Of course, D-Day, in his/her infinite wisdom, sees this and thinks “not funny! They are obviously eliminationist rightwing fascists!” because… drumroll please… mouthbreathing sack-of-hammer-stupid trogolodytes of the rightwing bigotsphere linked to the Hutton post! OMFG! It’s teh nazis! They link to Hutton, therefore Hutton is bad! (You wouldn’t happen to be a member of my State pursuing the same logic v. online “gambling” by any chance, would you?).

Here’s D-Day’s commentary: Read more…

Categories: Eye Rollers, Idiots

GOP & Sex, as nasty as they wanna try to be

June 16th, 2006 No comments

Apparently, powerful DC douchebags think that a Pride Parade is a good place to try and score chicks for a threesome. Also, they give out their real cards and try to hook up with women half their age.

Classy.

Categories: Eye Rollers, Sex

Straight from the Moose’s ass

June 15th, 2006 No comments

to your eyes. I’ve written previously about my dislike of the DLC’er (formerly xian coalition Republican) Marshall Wittman (I believe the phrase I used was ‘worthless fucktard’). In addition to referring to himself in the third person as the Moose (of the Bull Moose/Teddy Rooseveltian era), he is of a kind with Joe Lieberman – not too bright, not a strategic thinker, invariably chooses the conservative/GOP side, and really only in this for himself. He brings nothing to the table.

In any event he apparently still has a job with the (worthless) DLC and still writes things and some people choose to read and respond to them. I don’t know why, but that’s beside the point. I don’t link to GOP operatives disguised as Vichy Dems, but Greg Sargent is still trying. Apparently, the useless fucktard recently said this:

To their credit, Joe Biden and Joe Lieberman are two additional high-profile Democrats who have put country before partisanship when it comes to foreign policy…And, of course, Joe Lieberman refuses to waver. While many politicians claim not to be guided by polls, Joe truly puts principle first. He is a profile in courage. The scorn of puerile bloggers and assorted lefties should be worn as a badge of honor.

Yes, Lieberman. A profile in courage. As opposed to a self-serving profile in narcissism and pandering. I love how threatened the moose pie is by bloggers, and “lefties”, and actual people. Of course his language is phrased in such a way that any disagreement with him is going to be put in the “partisanship” or “party before country” camp.

Why is it that people who put country before party and were right are deserving of scorn in the moose’s scrotum world, and yet those that put country before party and were absolutely, astoundingly, mindbogglingly wrong (to the cost of tens of thousands of lives and billions of dollars) should be proud? Why is it that those whose “country before partisanship” just happens to coincide with the GOP’s partisanship before country are to be given a pat on the head and called “good boy”? Why is it that standing up to dishonest thugs like BushCo to save our country’s citizens and fortunes partisan?

The DLC is filled with people who think like this. Biden, Lieberman, Hilary. People who think the only way to regain power is to keep losing elections. Apparently, they haven’t worked out step 3 of the equation, yet:

1. Act like a Republican
2. Lose elections
3. ?????
4. Profit!

In any event, the “country before party” is a rhetorical gimmick used solely to ensure that the person employing the gimmick wins whatever argument they are discussing. When 49% of the population favors immediate withdrawal from Iraq, it is, in the moose’s ass’ view, caving in to the fringe lefties and rabid radicals to do so. Actually, I think he calls it “caving to the base,” which, you know, is actually the point of the party in power. But if you disagree with half the country and you want to frame the debate so that you are above the fray, you call it “partisanship” to call for withdrawal. There is no principled opposition to your favored course of action, just people looking to their politics, while you look to the good of the country.

The DLC is increasingly so. I’d like to thank Wittman for helping to speed the day when we no longer pay attention to them and Shrum and Emmanuel no longer get their multimillion dollar paydays for being the world’s biggest losers (literally).

Categories: Eye Rollers, Idiots, Politics

Books I’m not going to give my pretend daughter

June 15th, 2006 No comments

… unless I’m being ironic. If I do end up with it, I’m going to buy it secondhand because the author is a born again moron embellisher with anti-me politics, so I don’t want her getting a red cent.

Anyway, the book is The Thrill of the Chaste : Finding Fulfillment While Keeping Your Clothes On. I hear the working title was You’re Going to Hell, Slut!

Finally, a book for single women who, unsatisfied with living a worldly lifestyle, want to give their lives a new and godly direction. Author Dawn Eden, a Jewish-born rock journalist turned salty Christian blog queen, gives these readers the positive and uplifting message that they’ve been wanting to hear-that spiritual healing and a renewed outlook await them. Using her own experiences in the New York City singles jungle, she shows women how they too can go from insecurity to purity, and from forlorn to reborn. She tells women who have been around the block how to find their way home.

Hah! Oh, there are so many awesome things about this book! The self-hatred. The superiority complex. The misogyny. The ignorance. The repression (and furtherance of repression). The submissiveness. The utter bullshit.

I now notice things about the men in my life that I never noticed before, like their thoughtfulness, their love of family, their integrity, even their vulnerability. These are intangible qualities that don’t jump out at you when you’re in a frame of mind where you’re viewing men only as potential dates. Put together, they add up to character. It’s the most important quality to seek in a husband, and the one that’s least discussed in this day and age.

Likewise, when you become chaste, you’ll notice for the first time that women who have sex outside of marriage don’t really appreciate men. You can’t see this when you’re having nonmarital sex, because you don’t realize how much there really is about men to appreciate. You think the mere fact that you’re attracted to them and that they seem to wield such power over you shows you appreciate them for what they really are.

As much as I like to be thought of as a dominant walking cock, I don’t really captures the true me. Well, OK, it does, but not the whole me. I was not aware that the minute my cock is inserted in the woman’s vagina, I become invisible to her… except for the cock part.

When I had nonmarital sex, I became accustomed to seeing myself as a commodity—a varied collection of looks, wit, intellect, and je ne sais quois. I looked for men whose commodities were worth as much as my own.

That’s because you were a groupie, Dawn. Your lack of self-esteem combined with your narcissism led you to seek out others just like you, so you could magnify your neuroses.

That you now choose to blame your feelings of emptiness and worthlessness on sex is your own damn problem. Instead of coming to the conclusion that the massive amounts of ass you were getting left you unfulfilled because it turns out you weren’t looking for physical closeness, you decided that the sex itself was what was making you feel worthless. Also, that raging case of herpes which you totally don’t have. At the very least, don’t project your own neuroses onto the rest of the world because, frankly, we left your sex-negative ignorant asses behind in the 16th century.

Enjoy those revirgin vagina treatments or whatever hackery you’re going to promote next.

Also, as a tip, you might have better luck finding a husband if you didn’t seem so damn desperate. Just trying to help.