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Seriously. I fuckin hate Tolkein.

Sorry guys, my bad.

Edgy comic George Carlin dies at 71

Comedian George Carlin, a counter-culture hero famed for his routines about drugs, dirty words and the demise of humanity, died of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital on Sunday. He was 71.

Carlin was amazing. His routines were those of a 2%er who managed to actually connect with the rest of the world. From religion to sex to politics to culture to plain reason, he was a veritable cornucopia of wit and humor.

In sum, I have this to say: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.

Some favorite quotes.

Religion convinced the world that there’s an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there’s 10 things he doesn’t want you to do or else you’ll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! …And he needs money! He’s all powerful, but he can’t handle money!

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

Update: he got better as he got older. To a point. Just don’t read the later books.

Was not the first word that popped into my mind…

As part of my moving, I thought I’d throw some stuff on CL at insanely low prices (I usually just donate, but I figured what the hell). Anyway, I had this computer desk that we got for >$100 in NYC for Voldemort back in my 2L year. It’s not worth nearly that much, but it’s still useful and in great shape, so I put it up for the “why not?” price of $25.

Here’s my favorite response. It also happens to be the best exemplar of the CL buyerflake, evar!

From: [name withheld] <[something]@hotmail.com>
Subject: Desk.
To: [me]

I can come tonight and pick up your desk & haul it away.

I have $23 bucks in my purse at this very moment. Are you set on 25?

AWESOME!

I ended up just donating the desk, btw.

KitchenAid Hand Blender.

Despite the name it is not, apparently, meant for the blending of hands into a tasty after-school margarita mix. ’tis a pity.

The Inbox Of Nardo Pace, The Empire’s Worst Engineer

Subject Trash Compactor
From Death Star Detention Level Janitor Date A Long Time Ago 7:46 PM
To Nardo Pace

Hey, kid. That trash compactor you designed is up and running and I’ve got to say it looks great. Lots of grime, a magnetically sealed hatch that can’t be opened from the inside, a tentacled garbage creature that practically serves no purpose at all. It’s got everything a salty old janitor could ever want.

good times. Palpatine was my favorite.

… to give everyone a Shocker 101 education. Fun for the whole family (or your partner, at least).

And there’s more, including a mug and a spaghetti strap tank top for that cute girlfriend of yours. The dark color shirts (black, maroon, green, blue) are selling like hotcakes.

Supplies are unlimited! Make sure you get yours today before they don’t run out!

(if you want, you can make your own stuff, too)

I’m not a football fan by any means, but this is funny. It also made me reconsider my sexual orientation.

I wish I knew how to quit you, Brady.

I’m a tight end
but I hope one day
to be your wide receiver
how I long for you to hit meeeee
in the slot

Genius!

Just ran across this hilarious videos and site, so I thought I’d share.

The Words are Dying

“Gothtard” … hahah

That actress is from MadTV, but she captures the narcissistic douchebaggery of teenagers quite well. Today’s current paradigm for the unbalanced exposed nerve types is emo. Back in my day it was “alternative” bands like The Cure or Morrissey. Whatev. The cliques and behaviors are still the same, it’s the label that changes.

I hope the second video addresses cutting.