So the never-had-talent tries to reinvent herself as a country star. It did not go well.

Audiences booed and clapped as the singer, 28, opened for Sara Evans on Saturday at the Country Thunder USA festival in Randall, Wisconsin.

“I don’t know what your perception is of Jessica Simpson or what tabloid you buy, but I just want you to know that I’m just a girl from Texas,” Simpson told the crowd. “I’m just like you. I’m doing what I love and dating a boy.“

J. Simp, honey, it’s not the singing they were booing. You have to know your audience, and cowboys like to keep that shit on the downlow, know what I’m sayin?

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Joss Whedon.

Check out his Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog shorts. Aaaaawesome! (Neil Patrick Harris, Nate Fillion, and Felicia Day are the actors).

Update: You know what I forgot to mention? It was for a limited time only:

ACT ONE (Wheee!) will go up Tuesday July 15th.

ACT TWO (OMG!) will go up Thursday July 17th.

ACT THREE (Denouement!) will go up Saturday July 19th.

All acts will stay up until midnight Sunday July 20th. Then they will vanish into the night, like a phantom (but not THE Phantom – that’s still playing. Like, everywhere.)

Dr. Horrible does, of course, have a Master Plan spelling this out along with his motivations in great detail. It would have been advisable to read it. Oops.

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from the amazing mind of ghostfinger, I bring you…

2 and a half men set (click for larger versions):

with Laverne and Shirley, the California year(s):

Same set or same set designer? Also, from what tangled recesses of her amazingawesomerandom mind did ghostfinger pull this one from?

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And now, you too, can finally keep up with my awesome cultural references. Except you can’t. Because I’ll always be ahead of you. Just try and keep up, bitches!

(seriously, though, this will at least get you, and you know who you are, past the “dude, where’s my car?” stage of lame-o ness)

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Edgy comic George Carlin dies at 71

Comedian George Carlin, a counter-culture hero famed for his routines about drugs, dirty words and the demise of humanity, died of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital on Sunday. He was 71.

Carlin was amazing. His routines were those of a 2%er who managed to actually connect with the rest of the world. From religion to sex to politics to culture to plain reason, he was a veritable cornucopia of wit and humor.

In sum, I have this to say: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.

Some favorite quotes.

Religion convinced the world that there’s an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there’s 10 things he doesn’t want you to do or else you’ll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! …And he needs money! He’s all powerful, but he can’t handle money!

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

Update: he got better as he got older. To a point. Just don’t read the later books.

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OK, it’s got to be said - WTF is up with that cheesy-ass music they’re using this year when they show the “after” shots on the room? Seriously, it’s awful 80s-era euro synth trash mixed with muzak.

Also, this is the cryingest season ever. These people cry more than fuckin Ricky on Project Runway. And they only kept that Kentucky woman (Tracy) in for the conflict/drama. Maybe she has BPD with the level of enmity going on there. Then again, she does seem like a pretty huge assmunch and not a team player in the slightest so it’s probably deserved.

The show has fundamental problems - it’s entirely focused on the “design” part and not at all focused on the “TV” part; there is no reason for any winner to have a show at the end, and the competition is not geared toward the “thematic show with personality” part which is kind of, you know, crucial for a personality-based show - but the competition is fun (for a comparison on how to do it correctly, see the Next Food Network Star where there’s a huge emphasis on the contestant’s theme and TV style, not just their cooking, although they’re about 3 parts TV-focused, 2 part foody so maybe they’ve gone too far). If you want to see a floundering train wreck of a show, watch either of the last two seasons winners resulting series, which are boring, unfocused shows.

Also, the viewers’ choice person (Stephanie) looks like someone I know +35 lbs.

Anyhoo, the music during the reveals in the Design Star thingee this year is poke-your-eyes-out awful.

At least they stopped all the ridiculous Woooooooo!!!1!1!11-ing they were doing the first two shows. That was embarassing.

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Pitted, so pitted

Thought I’d share some vids as they start entering the zeitgeist

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Great video by Weezer

… I love the warmth and acceptance of all the freaky YouTube miniceleb memes.

Weezer isn’t my favorite band, but the video? Good stuff. You’ve got afroninja, the leave Britney alone! kid, Miss Teen South Carolina, the shirt guy… and hugs all around.

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I had totally forgotten about this series of exchanges between Judd Apatow (40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Superbad, etc) and Mark Brazil (that shitty 70s show, general insane douchebag-slash-multimillionaire). But just because it’s old doesn’t mean it’s not worthwhile! (also - interested in ghostfinger’s take on Brazil’s particular form of mental instability).

This came about from the real estalker where I noticed that Brazil is eating his shorts on real estate deals (lost a mil on a sale last year, going to lose as much on today’s listing) … and it couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

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Interspersing recipes with totally awesome clips from Japanese TV

Enjoy! It’s faaaaaantastic

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I don’t know who, but my guess is that certain someone is a GENIUS

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INT. living room - night

We whirl around our young lovely couple, snuggled together on the couch. JCO leans into CMO, one hand on his thigh, her head resting on his chest. Flickering light illuminates their faces from the TV. It is a reality show hosted by a famous model, FRAULEIN, and features numerous bitchy people doing their best to design clothes. They are not always successful.

One contestant, RICKY, is known for his dreadful designs, lack of emotional control, and mesh hats.

jco

I hate that guy. He’s always wearing that screen-door hat that looks like a bug should be trapped inside.

CMO

He’s especially annoying because he’s not getting eliminated.

JCO

I think he has issues

CMO

(interrupting)

No doubt.

JCO

with his amygdala and other frontal lobe- “everything makes me burst into tears like a 6 foot mariconcita who just can’t stop the water works no matter how much I pray to our sweet lady of guadelupe and taffeta”-parts of the brain

CMO

Taffeta’s tough on a tender soul.

JCO

Indeed.

CUT TO

RICKY onscreen, crying and mentioning how he used to be a dancer. A fly lazily meanders inside his hat.

CUT TO

A shot of the lovely couple from behind watching the show. CMO holds JCO tightly.

CMO

Two weeks in a row and better designers have been auf’d instead of him. I think it’s a strategy.

JCO

I hate him.

CMO

You know who he reminds me of? The bad guy from Cobra mixed with Lawrence Fishburne.

cut to

+ =

CMO

Or Pat Benatar.

cut to

The verse riff from “Love is a Battlefield” plays in the background.

(beat)

cut to

JCO

Maybe not so much.

CMO

He’s like a 80’s B-movie midget monster with bad makeup.

cut to

CMO

You know, except for the part where he’s whiny, untalented, can’t design, can’t sew, and has no discernible personality he’s perfect.

We revolve around to look at the lovely couple again. CMO kisses JCO’s head. She looks up and smiles.

FADE

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In the spirit of Shining and Brokeback to the Future, I present to you American Psycho… as a relationship drama

Before you say anything, ghostfinger, yes. I know you hate this movie book. I do. I know that.

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Dayam this week’s product placement slash “challenge” was paaaaaainfully bad. Just awful.

(for posterity: they went to Times Square aaaaaand… had to make something from the products they found in the H*rsh*y’s store. So… clothes made from candy wrappers. Whee.)

If you watch the show, there are two bits of honesty that kind of make it worthwhile - Christian VO’ing “So I was thinking ‘Great, we’re going to make shit out of chocolate’” and Victorya’s bitchface while they’re standing in the store lining up to hear the bullshit they’re supposed to act excited about. There’s no joy in Hong-ville. Good times, good times.

The rest of the episode suuuucked, though.

The H*rsh*y’s lady was straight out of central casting as well… if you’re casting for stunningly craptacular corporate marketing shill slash Stepford slash Seussian mom. Also, she had no lips. Creepy spokesperson, poor-quality chocolatier company! I’ll never eat one of your poor choco pieces again! Except for the peanut butter cups. And the extra creamy toffee nuggets. And whatever else I eat.

Actual quote from the show (Chris, I think):

Real food is… not … practical

Now that’s good quote!

Unfortunately one of the tiny number of interesting personalities got auf’d. Boo!

This season sucks. Cast is uninspiring and the product placement is worse than an Adam Sandler movie. I need ghostfinger here in order to make this show enjoyable again.

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