Fucking hell, that should be MINE!

The Vatican on Wednesday condemned the film “The Golden Compass,” which some have called anti-Christian, saying it promotes a cold and hopeless world without God.

In a long editorial, the Vatican newspaper l’Osservatore Romano, also slammed Philip Pullman, the bestselling author of the book on which the family fantasy movie is based.

It was the Vatican’s most stinging broadside against an author and a film since it roundly condemned “The Da Vinci Code” in 2005 and 2006.

“In Pullman’s world, hope simply does not exist, because there is no salvation but only personal, individualistic capacity to control the situation and dominate events,” the editorial said.

In addition to the part where the books are teh awesome!!1!11!!1 (and only mouthbreathing ijits actually think they’re anti-god (they’re gnostic at the core, and anti-dogma and anti-formal structure. “god” is a nice dude with a bitchass major domo)… where was I? Oh yeah, anything that has Dobson, Robertson, and Popeferatu against is a must-experience. Must.

Indie film director John Roecker tells TMZ he was walking to his car with a female friend in LA’s trendy Los Feliz neighborhood last Sunday when he was approached by a shirtless man and a tall blonde. “Hey, man, you’re making fun of my religion,” said the stranger angrily.

Roecker quickly recognized the couple as actor Bodhi Elfman and his wife, ‘Dharma and Greg’ star Jenna Elfman. Mr. Elfman’s ire was apparently drawn by Roecker’s self-made t-shirt, which had a picture of Tom Cruise on the front under the caption “Scientology is Gay!” and a ‘Stayin’-Alive’-era John Travolta on the back with the words “Very Gay!” For the record, both Cruise and Travolta have said repeatedly they are not gay.

The shirt:

Here’s the thing, you coddled whiny ass titty baby scientologists (yeah, I’m talking to you too Isaac)… your religion is not special. Though you are pampered at every turn, though you are given accolades, tchotchkes, and are the recipient of constant ass kissing from every person within a 5 mile radius whose livelihood depends on the celebrity culture… you are not special. You are not Marie Antoinette. You are not Goaul’d. You are just another meat puppet sharing this rock, and if you are offended by a t-shirt, or the flavor of your mango chutney, or the fourth button on the arm of the couch… we don’t give a shit. Deal.

I didn’t intend for this to become pop culture blogging day, it’s just the most interesting news I’ve hit all morning.

In another in a series of notable pronouncements, religious broadcaster Pat Robertson says God told him storms and possibly a tsunami will hit America’s coastline this year.

Robertson has made the predictions at least four times in the past two weeks on his news-and-talk television show “The 700 Club” on the Christian Broadcasting Network, which he founded.

Robertson said the revelations about this year’s weather came to him during his annual personal prayer retreat in January.

“If I heard the Lord right about 2006, the coasts of America will be lashed by storms,” Robertson said May 8. On Wednesday, he added, “There well may be something as bad as a tsunami in the Pacific Northwest.”

My favorite part is the “If I heard the Lord right” bit. I mean, if it was the fuckin Lord, is there any way possible that an impotent omnipotent, omnipresent being could speak to you in such a way that you would not understand? Does FSM mumble? Stutter? How could you possibly hear him incorrectly?

Oh yeah, because it was your accountant calling to say that your diamond mine venture was going gangbusters and that fear of tsunamis will push up your gold holdings. Also, you’re a batshit crazy wahhabist addicted to fame. And coke.

For the Christians out there, how does it feel to know that this guy is considered the face of your faith in America? Hell, even McGovern called this shitbrick a ‘kook’ (actual quote: “When you say ‘radical right’ today, I think of these moneymaking ventures by fellows like Pat Robertson and others who are trying to take the Republican Party and make a religious organization out of it. If that ever happens, kiss politics goodbye.”)

You know, like the Spears “pro-life” Statue

That the statue is ridiculous, inelegant, and looks nothing like Spears, but hey, it’s a “dedication” to her refusal to use birth control and decision not to abort “pro-life” stance.

The next time I’m unemployed, I’m going to go to a Catholic church where they give out those Jesus trading cards for funerals. Then I’m going to go home, paste one to the back of a shampoo bottle and take a photo of the Jebus showing through on the other side. I’ll call it my “pro-life” shampoo. Then I’ll continue with my Jesusface grilled cheese sandwich plan. I’ll make millions!

Why is this humor Friday? Well, the “pro-life” statue is supposed to be at the moment of birth and the backside is showing a baby’s crown (suuuuure it’s Sean Preston). Only, I could never find a picture of the back side. Well, now I have. And it’s all yours, after the jump.

If that’s not worth a humor friday, I don’t know what is.

RUSSERT: Do you believe that Jerry Falwell is still an agent of intolerance?

MCCAIN: No, I don’t. I think that Jerry Falwell can explain how his views on this program when you have him on.

Why do people still love McCain? He’s in the pocket of the religious reich, he gives good quote but his actions don’t follow his words at all. Just as importantly, in 2008 he will be older than Reagan when Reagan took office as the oldest president ever.

McCain is a nothing. He’s the epitome of surface gleam. A pandering, weak-willed, appeasement monkey to whomever can get him that chair in the oval office.

I shall call him, Rambesus.

I thought Horsey captured the Republican Jesus perfectly, even better than the General, so I wanted to post it for posterity.

American’s increasing acceptance of religious diversity doesn’t extend to those who don’t believe in a god, according to a national survey by researchers in the University of Minnesota’s department of sociology.

From a telephone sampling of more than 2,000 households, university researchers found that Americans rate atheists below Muslims, recent immigrants, gays and lesbians and other minority groups in “sharing their vision of American society.” Atheists are also the minority group most Americans are least willing to allow their children to marry.

I think at least part of the problem here is the lack of human understanding for nothingness. Sure, nothing is just the flip side of something, but absence? void? vacuum? Inconceivable! Much more is fueled by religion’s innate need to control and eliminate opposing viewpoints, human insecurity, and basic tribal behavior, but I still think that null fuels much of this enmity.

Famous American atheists? Mark Twain, Isaac Asimov, Ernest Hemmingway, Arthur C. Clarke… and so on.

This addiction to the opiate of the masses is disturbing to rationalists such as myself. Quick! Where’s our next fear hit! Commies, fags, and atheists, oh my!

Teachers at his facility are forbidden to use the “e-word” (evolution)
with the kids. They are permitted to use the word “adaptation” but only to refer to a current characteristic of an organism, not as a product of evolutionary change via natural selection. They cannot even use the term “natural selection.”
…
Bob’s personal issue was more specific, and the prohibition more insidious. In his words, “I am instructed NOT to use hard numbers when telling kids how old rocks are. I am supposed to say that these rocks are VERY VERY OLD … but I am NOT to say that these rocks are thought to be about 300 million years old.”