from the amazing mind of ghostfinger, I bring you…

2 and a half men set (click for larger versions):

with Laverne and Shirley, the California year(s):

Same set or same set designer? Also, from what tangled recesses of her amazingawesomerandom mind did ghostfinger pull this one from?

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OK, it’s got to be said - WTF is up with that cheesy-ass music they’re using this year when they show the “after” shots on the room? Seriously, it’s awful 80s-era euro synth trash mixed with muzak.

Also, this is the cryingest season ever. These people cry more than fuckin Ricky on Project Runway. And they only kept that Kentucky woman (Tracy) in for the conflict/drama. Maybe she has BPD with the level of enmity going on there. Then again, she does seem like a pretty huge assmunch and not a team player in the slightest so it’s probably deserved.

The show has fundamental problems - it’s entirely focused on the “design” part and not at all focused on the “TV” part; there is no reason for any winner to have a show at the end, and the competition is not geared toward the “thematic show with personality” part which is kind of, you know, crucial for a personality-based show - but the competition is fun (for a comparison on how to do it correctly, see the Next Food Network Star where there’s a huge emphasis on the contestant’s theme and TV style, not just their cooking, although they’re about 3 parts TV-focused, 2 part foody so maybe they’ve gone too far). If you want to see a floundering train wreck of a show, watch either of the last two seasons winners resulting series, which are boring, unfocused shows.

Also, the viewers’ choice person (Stephanie) looks like someone I know +35 lbs.

Anyhoo, the music during the reveals in the Design Star thingee this year is poke-your-eyes-out awful.

At least they stopped all the ridiculous Woooooooo!!!1!1!11-ing they were doing the first two shows. That was embarassing.

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INT. living room - night

We whirl around our young lovely couple, snuggled together on the couch. JCO leans into CMO, one hand on his thigh, her head resting on his chest. Flickering light illuminates their faces from the TV. It is a reality show hosted by a famous model, FRAULEIN, and features numerous bitchy people doing their best to design clothes. They are not always successful.

One contestant, RICKY, is known for his dreadful designs, lack of emotional control, and mesh hats.

jco

I hate that guy. He’s always wearing that screen-door hat that looks like a bug should be trapped inside.

CMO

He’s especially annoying because he’s not getting eliminated.

JCO

I think he has issues

CMO

(interrupting)

No doubt.

JCO

with his amygdala and other frontal lobe- “everything makes me burst into tears like a 6 foot mariconcita who just can’t stop the water works no matter how much I pray to our sweet lady of guadelupe and taffeta”-parts of the brain

CMO

Taffeta’s tough on a tender soul.

JCO

Indeed.

CUT TO

RICKY onscreen, crying and mentioning how he used to be a dancer. A fly lazily meanders inside his hat.

CUT TO

A shot of the lovely couple from behind watching the show. CMO holds JCO tightly.

CMO

Two weeks in a row and better designers have been auf’d instead of him. I think it’s a strategy.

JCO

I hate him.

CMO

You know who he reminds me of? The bad guy from Cobra mixed with Lawrence Fishburne.

cut to

+ =

CMO

Or Pat Benatar.

cut to

The verse riff from “Love is a Battlefield” plays in the background.

(beat)

cut to

JCO

Maybe not so much.

CMO

He’s like a 80’s B-movie midget monster with bad makeup.

cut to

CMO

You know, except for the part where he’s whiny, untalented, can’t design, can’t sew, and has no discernible personality he’s perfect.

We revolve around to look at the lovely couple again. CMO kisses JCO’s head. She looks up and smiles.

FADE

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There are idiots in the world who would actually pitch a fit because they can’t get a whopper. This makes me yearn for the dino killer to hit us soon.

I hope the Fox people didn’t actually pay for that cheesy ass robot football thing they have on screen about 50 times per game. It’s lamer than your boss using “Dude, Where’s My Car” jokes. In 2008.

The Sports Guy is right - “This is Ouuuur Couuuuuuntryyyyy” song is the worst thing I’ve heard since Jesus take the Wheel.

Peyton Manning? Kind of likable in that way that the kid who ate paste back in high school was likable. Not so much with the charisma. Also, he’s in 4 out of every 5 commercials that don’t have Ouuuuur Couuuuuuntryyyyy playing.

I think the US Armed Forces should be prohibited from spending public money on television ads in order to recruit youngsters to go die somewhere for the CEOs running this oligopoly.

From the commercials, I think everyone who ever buys or drives a car is a sexist idiot and/or works in the middle of the desert or ranch, and this is just going by the messages they are trying to send. Cadillac? Has a shitty commercial with a Bush (the band) loop and a woman driving in high heels. The punchline: “When you turn your car on, does it return the favor?”. VW has an ad with a baby (in a baby carrier) that cries any time the (male) driver isn’t gunning the engine and racing to 40 and above. On city streets. This is the “idiot” commercial.

Two commercials currently feature people breakdancing and doing the robot. Poorly, in both cases. One is to encourage us to use our credit cards more, the other is for the lowest common denominator fast food place. They’re both boring, horrid little things, but the fast food one almost won me over by the end.

You know those insurance commercials where they have a C-list celebrity doing counterpoint to “actual” customer experience? I thought Little Richard from last year or the year before was awesome, but now there is something awesomer - The Pips. I don’t care where you are or what you are selling, but if you put the Pips in there I’m buying. Well, appreciative of your commercial, anyway. The Pips are fucking awesome (happy train… woo woo!).

What do you mean there was a game on? With this sport it’s more like 3 commercials for every one play. By the time the insectoid armored militants were back on screen, I’d lost interest in whatever it was they were doing.

Actual sequence: 3 commercials. Kickoff. 4 commercials. 2 plays. 4 commercials. Play. 2 commercials. Actual time on the field: 48 seconds. Actual time in real life: 8 minutes. And people think this sport is exciting?

Oh, and I’m totally rooting for Team Evil (who won today, but did not play well). I can totally empathize with their dominance and the hatred that engenders from others. Buncha haters.

While I’ve always liked Green Bay and Favre, I really want the Giants to beat them. I am wishing for this simply because I am preemptively tired of hearing about Football Jesus Favre and the white-hat Packers having the last shot to knock Team Evil from their throne atop Mordor.

1 month until pitchers and catchers!

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Dayam this week’s product placement slash “challenge” was paaaaaainfully bad. Just awful.

(for posterity: they went to Times Square aaaaaand… had to make something from the products they found in the H*rsh*y’s store. So… clothes made from candy wrappers. Whee.)

If you watch the show, there are two bits of honesty that kind of make it worthwhile - Christian VO’ing “So I was thinking ‘Great, we’re going to make shit out of chocolate’” and Victorya’s bitchface while they’re standing in the store lining up to hear the bullshit they’re supposed to act excited about. There’s no joy in Hong-ville. Good times, good times.

The rest of the episode suuuucked, though.

The H*rsh*y’s lady was straight out of central casting as well… if you’re casting for stunningly craptacular corporate marketing shill slash Stepford slash Seussian mom. Also, she had no lips. Creepy spokesperson, poor-quality chocolatier company! I’ll never eat one of your poor choco pieces again! Except for the peanut butter cups. And the extra creamy toffee nuggets. And whatever else I eat.

Actual quote from the show (Chris, I think):

Real food is… not … practical

Now that’s good quote!

Unfortunately one of the tiny number of interesting personalities got auf’d. Boo!

This season sucks. Cast is uninspiring and the product placement is worse than an Adam Sandler movie. I need ghostfinger here in order to make this show enjoyable again.

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