Last night I had this amazingly full, complete, and remembered dream. In this dream, I created what is probably the worst movie in the history of the universe. Here’s my pitch:

Tugz

A family’s struggle. A mother’s pride. A father’s joy. A grandmama’s cooking. Join the ___’s, a wacky, crazy, loving, fighting, warm - oh, and did I mention they’re black? - as they journey to togetherness in the world tug o’ war olympiad. There’s the prodigal son with old angers and hidden issues who still loves his family. Secretly and begrudgingly. Then you have the sister with man troubles. Smart aleck kids! And all held together by the Grandmama who cooks, hugs, berates, aaaaand anchors the tug o’ war team! Did I mention they’re black? It’s crazywhackyfun for the entire community. It’s Barbershop, Tyler Perry, Oprah, and every Martin Lawrence or Eddie Murphy movie since 1990 all rolled into one.

Something this awful has to sell, right?

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First billmon closes up shop (again… but you’ll be back!) and now Berube augers in.

The dynamics of the ebb and flow of blogging are interesting. The demands of always having something to say about whatever it is that is most cutting edge can be draining. Which is why you have so much burnout and turnover. From my experience (and I’ve been doing this since 1997), it’s best to just go fallow for a bit and post when you feel like it. After all, it’s not like the site is going anywhere. If you make grandiose proclamations and farewells… you’re kind of stuck. If you come back, it will have been like staging your own funeral or eleventieth birthday party only to show up at the next summer’s barbecue wearing a hawaiian shirt and birkenstocks.

And no one likes birkenstocks. Except those freaks who wear them. *shudder*

Come on back anytime, billmon and Berube. Our door’s always open. Oh, and someone light a candle for Greenwald. He’s burning his candle at both ends. Would hate to see him end up like JoplinMoonHendrixMorrison. No, really.

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Good luck, buddies

According to Quentin Tarantino, if a rookie screenwriter wants to get their script read by the right people in Hollywood they must first find a way to bypass the script readers. In the director’s eyes, a reader will never recommend you since they’re frustrated writers themselves and don’t want anyone else to succeed. Tarantino was killing me softly with his advice, telling my whole life, with his words, killing me softly. Yes, I do read scripts on occasion for extra cash and I’m also currently writing a script that I know everyone will hate and that I’ll never finish anyway. However, I assure you that we readers have nothing but respect for the show-offs who actually complete a script. It’s more accurate to say that we’re hoping your script is very, very, very bad.

I’m not really tacking with the cut of his motherfuqin jibe, but they’re good tips to keep in mind while you’re-

writing your killer screenplay.

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and I think it behooves all of us you to get off your ass and make November a novel to remember! To that end, NanoWrimo.org has a site set up for you to encourage and help you in this endeavor, so sign up now. And you can link to buddies that will also encourage you and/or mock you for your inability to write 50,000 words in one month. And if you make it, you get a nice little ribbon image to post on your site.

Here’s my page, with my awesome 0 words entered. Mock away! (just make sure to friend me so I can mock you back)

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Every now and then a phrase will pop into my head. Eventually a few of these become part of my artistic ouevre. More often, they just sit there, looking cool. Taunting me with their potential that I just can’t quite grasp.

Here are some that I know I’m not going to be using anytime soon. Well, probably. They may appear in a story somewhere. Anyway, they’re stuck in my head so they’ve got to go somewhere. Lucky you.

• Babies with Rabies
• Christianarchy
• Falafellatio
• Grandson of Sam
• George Oh, well
• Jesus Loves to Bake
• Wait Loss
• Arm the Homeless
• Colonel of Truth

Most of these fall into the too-punny-to-be-useful pile. Just wait to see what I’ve got on tap, y’all.

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Wired’s doing this thing of six-word stories submitted by actual writers.

It sounded like fun, so I thought I’d do a few:

• Will you be mine? No? Damn.
• I tried to fly. I failed.
• The feather fell slowly, unlike Margaret.

Feel free to add yours in the comments.

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