Pearls of Wisdom

These are minor tidbits I’ve gleaned throughout my life. Some of these are profound, some practical, some of no use at all. But I’ve been meaning to keep a list of such things for a while and there’s no time like the present.

My Philosophies

Random belief systems

Practical (though possibly only in limited circumstances)

The Standoff/Showdown One Commandment (and related adjunct)

Relationships

There seems to be some confusion about this issue (amongst women), so let me clarify this: Women of the world, men want to fuck you. Likely, the women want to fuck men too, but in our society it’s very much men == chasers, women == chasees. Shocking revelation, I know.

I believe it is exceedingly rare that men and women can be friends for any significant period of time, i.e. without being social friends or friends with your friends spouse or coworkers or the like. Perhaps less than 1% of people in our society can maintain that kind of relationship long-term without one party or the other becoming attached or without the sexual tension breaking the relationship down.

So ladies, here’s a heuristic you should use to judge the man’s intentions. Your intentions may be crystal clear and completely platonic in your head, but the guy[fn1] is likely just trying to score some nookie. All of those fun little things you do, all the meets over coffee, all the sailing, all the dancing, wining, movieing, and dining? Those are all social tactics used by the guy to get in your pants.

This is triply true for emotionally retarded wrinkly old men with nothing more to offer than their money to inappropriately young women. Particularly if the guy’s first name starts with the letter “D,” they are bald, have a dick so small they have to drive a corvette as compensation, use phrases such as “my dear,” lie constantly (particularly about their intentions if the woman is going to leave and about how committed they are to their soon-to-be-ex inappropriately young woman), never win a race yet insist on sending pathetic, boring videos of the races to the inappropriately young women they want to fuck, are disassociative, talk about “positive energy” but ironically enough have none, see the world in grandiose me versus Them terms, cheat, and have stalkerish tendencies such as continued calling or emailing after clear and direct communications telling them to go away.

Yeah, that guy. What an assclown.

Just remember: when in doubt, he wants to whip it out.

Another heuristic: I know some of you are touchy monkeys and OK with many forms of contact. Here is the general progression of such from a dude’s point of view:

Talking leads to Touching
Touching leads to Rubbing
Rubbing leads to Kissing
Kissing leads to Sucking
Sucking leads to Fucking

It’s an easy 5-point continuum with a nice mnemonic (TTRKS are for kids. ™, me. That could be “turks” or “tricks”, I guess, and I’m skipping the “F”, but it’s my mmnemonic and I’m keeping it). Back rubs can actually be a shortcut to Fucking, particularly when the rubbee is mounted by the rubbor like the prone doggy position. It’s a half step from dry humping, really.

My hat’s off to you who can achieve friendships of genders where both parties are interested in the other. I admire what you have achieved. … If I believe it, which I won’t until there’s been at least 20 years of friendship with no hookups and no losses of communication. But good on ya for trying.

[fn1] By guy here, I mean the person who likes to fuck persons of your gender. So if the fuckee is female, then gay males don’t count, but gay females do. Theoretically. There are social differences there that I can’t speak to that specifically, what with not being a lesbian and all.

Sorry, comments are closed.